Guilty Conscience

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< Blurr Posed on Dec 10 07:30PM CST >- Blurr is 'pacing' up and down the corridors of the Decagon near the barracks sector. Well 'pacing' according to his own standards, to normal people it's more like racing. There's definitely a good reason why he is named 'Blurr'.
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One might wonder, doesn't he have better things to do? Well, when you can move and think as fast as he does, you tend to get restless a lot. Everything that can be done always gets done too fast, or he always gets stuck waiting for other people who take -way- too long, which also leads to restlessness. < Arcee Posed on Dec 10 07:34PM CST >- Arcee has just finished filing a little tidbit of intel information that she thinks might come in handy at some point in the future. As she finishes, she feels something rush past her. Frowning slightly, she stands there stock-still until the quick-pacer comes around again. She's still extremely annoyed with Blurr, but she sees no point in bringing up the matter again; he clearly has the attention span of a turbognat and has probably already forgotten about it, anyhow. "Hey," she calls as Blurr rushes past. < Blurr Posed on Dec 10 07:39PM CST >- The sound of Arcee's voice has Blurr coming to a halt a few paces away and then turning around and coming back her way all within a few fractions of a second. In no time he's standing in front of her. "Oh hey. So, 'targeting fluid', eh?" he remarks wryly. "Do we even -have- anything like that?" < Arcee Posed on Dec 10 07:41PM CST >- Arcee grins widely. "Maybe Wheeljack will invent it soon, it /would/ be nice to have around in a pinch, wouldn't it?" < Blurr Posed on Dec 10 07:46PM CST >- "Pfff," Blurr laughs and shoves her playfully. "I guess, I can't believe I just took your word for it." Then he sighs and looks a bit more sober. "Well at least it doesn't happen as often as it used to, I suppose." < Arcee Posed on Dec 10 07:51PM CST >- Arcee chuckles, then tries to steer the conversation away from that particular evening, because the way things went down is still a sore spot for her but she honestly believes that Blurr either doesn't know any better, OR, that he does know better but he has such poor impulse control he wouldn't have listened to Prime himself when the shooting got underway. "So what's really on your mind? You look like you're ready to pace a track into the floor." < Blurr Posed on Dec 10 08:05PM CST >- What is on Blurr's mind? Well there's always basically -everything- on his mind at the same time. Most of the time he thinks about a lot of different things but doesn't really think too deeply about any of them. Which somewhat explains the impulsive behavior.

He sighs. "I don't know, I guess I'm just bored." There's a slight pause. "Arcee, do you think it was my fault all those disposables were killed?" This probably isn't the first time he's asked that question. < Arcee Posed on Dec 10 08:11PM CST >- "Your...fault? Do you feel guilt from what happened?" Arcee can sympathize in his regard...so many terrible things had happened over the course of the war, and it wasn't at all unusual to ruminate on them and feel as though things could have (or should have) turned out differently, /if only/. "If you feel guilty, that means that you're claiming responsibility for their deaths. Do you feel responsible?" < Blurr Posed on Dec 10 08:20PM CST >- She's not answering the question! "I don't know, should I? You...you know what happened, right?" But how much does Arcee know exactly? "I mean, the news said they were defective, but..." he trails off. < Arcee Posed on Dec 10 08:21PM CST >- "Tell me what happened from your point of view. I know what everyone else has said; I want to see why you're feeling responsible." Arcee knows this is probably a job for Rung, but he's probably hiding on a colony world by now. < Blurr Posed on Dec 10 08:56PM CST >- Blurr sighs again before recounting the tale. "The truth is, they weren't defective, Arcee. They were just defending themselves. I had the arena sealed off so they couldn't escape. I was going to execute them all, because they found out about the splicing experiments. I didn't expect them to--to fight back. I killed two of them, but a group of them dropped some electrical wiring on me. Of course, the IAA released doctored footage to the press to make it look like they were completely at fault. Then -that- was when the Sanitation Department decided to recycle them all and turn them into drones." < Arcee Posed on Dec 10 09:01PM CST >- Arcee nods slowly. "I see..." She seems saddened by the recollection, but certainly not judgmental of Blurr. "It doesn't sound to me like you really wanted to do it, to be honest. It was a difficult time for you, and you just didn't see another alternative at the time because you weren't experienced enough to understand the options. I mean, think about it. Back then, you mostly just did what they told you to do, and assumed it was right. Now, you're beginning to understand that things are more complicated than they were presented to you." < Blurr Posed on Dec 10 09:13PM CST >- "No, I did want to do it, because Cipher told me they weren't really people. That they were just a little more advanced than drones, but that they were capable of storing information--information that he didn't want getting out into the open. I just needed to destroy that information. I wasn't being beaten, or tortured, I had a choice, but I let them make it for me." Blurr continues, staring at the floor. < Arcee Posed on Dec 10 09:24PM CST >- "But you're kicking yourself over a decision you were too immature to make, and Cipher kind of lied to you, didn't he," Arcee points out. "Please don't let that continue to bother you after all of this time, okay? I'm not going to tell you it was a great decision. But at the time, it probably seemed like the best course of action to take." < Blurr Posed on Dec 10 09:36PM CST >- "He wasn't really 'lying' as far as telling an intentional fallacy. He really did think like that." Blurr admits. He sighs again. "I can't help it, Arcee. A part of me realized even before that, that he was wrong. When I saw them at the labs, they--" he shakes his head. "I told myself, I only had to take out a few of them. And it was their own fault for going searching for trouble in places they knew they weren't supposed to be poking around in. I didn't think they'd even -try- to defend themselves. But they did. And then -that- all happened. There were hundreds, if not thousands of them. All of them summarily executed." < Arcee Posed on Dec 10 09:41PM CST >- "I still think you were caught up in something that you didn't have the power to break away from at the time," Arcee says. "Tell you what. I want you to think of something you could actually do, not wishful thinking but a real action that you could take, to make up for this so you can 'call it even' and put it behind you, okay? Seriously. You can't undo what's already been done, but you /can/ improve the future for someone, or maybe thousands of someones, who wouldnt otherwise get that chance." Her commlink goes off, and she listens briefly. "...I have to go. Think about this, okay?"

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