Swivel's Diary Part IV

--ENTRY 46--

Well I can’t do my job very well without having some dealings with the less lawful element. I mean, indirectly. I don’t like doing things that put me at odds with the law, but some of the best clients aren’t the most up and up. Beggars can’t be choosers. Lately, though, I have been more picky. It’s just dangerous getting involved. But it’s dangerous not getting involved. My head is spinning trying to put in words what is safer. I used to not be the one deciding what was too risky. But I have to rely on myself now. Ever since I got back to Cybertron, really. I miss Steamcore and how he ran things more and more. Inquiries have given me three different reports. One is he went down in Nyon. Another is he got out of Nyon just in time and retired. Another says that he joined the Decepticons. I don’t believe the last one. He tried so hard to not pick sides. But maybe it was all he could do. If he is alive. I could maybe ask a Decepticon, but I don’t know if they would tell me. But would it hurt to ask? Maybe. Maybe I should go visit Blast Off at his shop. Oh but I don’t want Blurr following me there. If only there was a way to be sure Blurr wasn’t following me. It would make finding this stuff out easier. Maybe I can ask Blurr? But if he didn’t know, I doubt anyone would tell him the truth. I mean, he was lied to about that… wow now I can’t even remember his name. But he’s fed me bad information before. He doesn’t understand that I believe him most of the time, I just don’t believe the people that he believes in. I don’t believe he is not being lied to. It happened to much n the past. And I can’t get a read on this Optimus mech. He seems to mean well. I like to think he’s good and trying to make things better. But I just don’t have anything to go on. It’s not him though that worries me. It’s the chevron guy…

--ENTRY 47--

There’s been a stir in the underground. That thief I was doing relays for (well, not for since he wasn’t the one paying) has shut everyone out. Whatever middle mech that knew how to contact him has vanished. No one knows how to get a hold of this mystery mech. I wonder if he existed at all. Well, I wasn’t really wondering that until someone else wondered it out loud. A hoax? No one ever met him. And he only accepted one or two jobs. Most were turned down. I heard about it in Dead End. Mech, Blurr would blow a gasket if he knew I went back there. Some say he was one of the Decepticons that stole that statue. I wonder what they would want with a statue anyway? Dead End is dangerous. Yet I kind of feel strangely at home here. Of course I have to keep scanning the area for hostiles. But that’s not so bad. It keeps me sharp. Okay, so it is exhausting. I don’t know. I really don’t know why I’m attracted to a horrible place. But I try to help where I can. Most cries for help are traps. I’m not dead yet, though. Still, the odd time I help someone who actually needs and accepts it, I just feel super special. That turbo-rat is staring at me again. I seen him about. Its got a gimpy flank, kind of partially melted and has weird white splotches just around where the damage is. My sensors give me brief warnings, but since they have not been aligned in a while, I’m not sure if I should be worried or not.

--ENTRY 48--

Well, while looking for someone what needs a courier, turns out that some engex deliveries have been knocked over. This has been scaring folk away from doing their jobs, and since functionalism is dying out, a lot more folk are quitting their jobs at the slightest sign of trouble, or to get a better job. That works for me actually. So I got a job with an engex import/export. It’s more dangerous than one might think! I ride with escorts to various locations, and then make any smaller deliveries, such as to smaller businesses or to private events. I often work with a big fellow named Cargodrive. There are others, but, eh, I haven’t talked with them much. And they come and go. He’s a bit gruff, but once you show you’re an earnest worker he really softens up. I think he might be old and still clings to functionalism. He often seems annoyed, even disgusted about folk jumping around jobs. I’m surprised I don’t annoy him more. I don’t got the capacity, really, in my alt mode to be in goods transport, but I am good at getting messages past, uh, certain kinds of barriers. Maybe he just humours me because he doesn’t have a clue what I’m saying. A lot of folk do that.

--ENTRY 49--

Well that was… I don’t know what that was. I was doing a delivery to a familiar client, and things just got intense, and then… just sort of settled down. I guess I might of had a hand in it. Well here’s what happened. I delivered some wine to Blast Off’s shop. It was the only small enough purchase for me to handle. Which is great, because I haven’t seen Blast Off in a while. I was gearing up to try and talk the way he taught me. So I was dropping off and unloading the goods, when Phantom, previously know as Grabby, walked in. Scared the sparklight out of me. Then he started asking Blast Off about some mech named Sublight. When Blast Off said he didn’t know, Phantom called him a liar. They just kept getting more aggressives until Phantom took things a bit far, first trying to rough up Blast Off, and then threatening to destroy some of his wine. I’d been watching, not sure what to do, because I didn’t really feel like I could pick a side and I also didn’t want to get in the middle of something that I knew nothing about. Finally I told them enough was enough and it seemed to actually calm them down. Kind of. Phantom left in a huff. Blast Off, well, it was his shop, so he stayed, and apologized that I had to see any of that. I wasn’t going to tell him I’d seen much worse. I’m not sure he realizes the things I’ve seen, but I think, maybe, he was a bit ashamed of having not handled the situation like a gentlemech. I’m not sure what better he could do when Phantom came at him. And to think, they are supposedly on the same side. It’s just like I said to Phantom, the Decepticons will likely tear themselves apart because of distrust between its members. But.. what really made me happy was that Blast Off gave me some of his wine. A whole bottle. He said I could drink it or sell it, just felt he ought to do more than say he was sorry. Blast Off, well, is a bit stingy. So him giving me wine, a good brand too according to him, well, that means a lot. I mean, it’s just a bottle. Blurr has offered me a life of shelter and luxury, but I don’t think it carries the same weight. I think, mostly, because it was a true gift, not just, um, well, a way to control me. I don’t think Blurr wanting to control me is really in a bad way, it’s sometimes easy to want to control people you care about as a way of keeping them safe. And I do bring on lots of trouble. So I probably make all the people who care about me edgy. But, anyway, this didn’t feel like it had strings attached. It just…. Yeah. So I gave Blast Off a hug. I know he doesn’t really like contact, but I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just hugged him. Then I said goodbye and left. I have been thinking a lot since then. The fight Phantom and Blast Off was in had to do with Quantum. I don’t think Quantum is honest with Phantom. And I think Quantum lied to Phantom about this Sublight mech. Blast Off killed him, he admitted that, but Blast Off claims it was self defense. Blast Off said there was a contract out on him, and that Quantum and Sublight were assassins. So it makes sense that he’d be attacked. But does it make Blast Off a bad person for trying to live? I wonder about that sometimes. I mean, even I won’t just roll over and die, but I don’t do as much crazy stuff as some people do to survive. Anyway, both Phantom and Blast Off have told me not to trust the other. I get a lot of that. I think, at the base of this… is just people acting on bad information. The saddest part is that sometimes I think this war continues on for that same reason. People are fighting for lies.

--ENTRY 50--

Ow my foot. I shot my own foot. I know Blurr keeps reminding me to put the safety on when I ain’t aiming at something, but I only lowered it for a tick! Then someone startled me and I tensed and it whem blam and then my foot hurt and I was hopping around. It’s okay now. I got it looked at at Deltaran. Still, even for me, that’s embarrassing. I mean. I shot my own foot! That aside, I been thinking. Blurr and I fight a lot. Most of it is about trust. I don’t think he really can separate me trusting him personally, and me NOT trusting who he works for. And he kept asking stuff. I said I was late for my lesson because my work kept me busy. So he asked me where I was doing a job. I said I was in the underground just outside of the ruins of Nyon. He asked why as if indicating going there was either very suspicious or very stupid. Not sure which. I said it was my job, and reminded him of a job HE did underneath Nyon BEFORE it was destroyed. I shouldn’t of done that. I keep digging up the past and it’s not nice. No wonder he thinks I haven’t forgiven him. But I have. I just.. Wish he wouldn’t be so pushy and keep out of my business. I told him my job wasn’t any of his business, just like his job was none of mine. Of course he takes the high road with he is just doing his job, and everything he does is to protect me blah blah blah. I don’t doubt it. I know his intentions are mostly good ones. And that’s what matters to me. If I thought he was no good, I wouldn’t argue with him, I’d just avoid him or say what he wants to hear. I don’t like lying, but it is kind of necessary sometimes. However whenever I try and tell him these things, he only hears negative things and gets defensive. I don’t know how to talk to him no more. There was another mech there while we were bickering. That wasn’t so great. He’s the one that startled me. Quickswitch. He has such nice green optics. Now I remember where I remember him from. I saw him shortly after I got back, and he attacked Starscream. Not that I blame him. Starscream deserves it most of the time. But it was just a bit out of nowhere. No bantering, no nothing, just WHAM! He’s just doing his job though, so I’m not bothered by it. Now that I’m thinking about it… I haven’t seen Starscream in a while. Thank Primus!

--ENTRY 51--

Eerie. So weird. I just can’t shake that weird feeling. I don’t know how to begin the explaining. I was in Vos doing another job, and my rendezvous with Cargodrive got pushed back. Some delays. So I had some spare time and decided to wander. I saw what looked like Phantom flying in circles and went to see what was happening. Next thing I know he’s talking gibberish and pulling another mech into a partially collapsed building. I thought, no, don’t get involved, but something didn’t seem right. So I got closer and thought I heard someone threatening Phantom. I tried calling in there, but no one responded to me so I went in, but it didn’t feel right. Not that it felt wrong. But something kept telling me I should get out there. I checked all my sensors, but everything checked out. I don’t know what it was. Phantom and the other mech were fighting about something, I don’t know what. I tried to get them to stop, but neither really acknowledged me. Suddenly, Blast Off was there… I don’t know Turns out the other mech was Vortex. I’d heard the name, sure, and it’s spoken with… well usually disgusts, hatred and fear. He’s a Decepticon. Why is it I see them ‘cons fighting each other all the time. Seems a bad way to win. Well, things stopped when Blast Off showed up. Vortex skedaddled back to wherever, and I’ve no clue where Phantom went. I was left with more questions than answers. So was Blast Off. Almost as soon as he arrived, he left again. So did I. But what was going on? What made that weird…. Feeling? What was with the dead mech? Oh, there was a dead guy inside the building, and Vortex seemed to want to get something from it, but Phantom attacked him every time he got close. I need to hunt down Phantom… wait, need? Do I want to know? I get dragged into all sorts of crazy stuff, I don’t need to go looking for it But… I really wanna know.

--ENTRY 52--

PRIMUS! It just doesn’t end. The fighting! And me caught in the middle, helpless to make anyone see reason! I am so fretful, and I might even think about destroying this diary. I don’t know. I don’t know what to do! Chevron is going to make me disappear, I just know it! But maybe not. No one believed me. It’s all over the news. I’m nothing. Just some Empty hired by the Decepticons to plea on their behalf. But that is not it! I took a big risk, and it did nothing for anyone! I’m going to die in vain! Okay, Swivel, get a hold of yourself. You might get through this alive. Just… keep writing. Keep thinking. Process. Sort this out. During a job I had in Tarn, the building I was in was attacked by Decepticons. I hid under a desk the first sign of trouble, and they rounded up the Governor and a bunch of administrators into one room and held them hostage. I meant to just stay there, nice and quiet, until it was over. But I messed up. I witnessed a sniper shoot a hostage the Decepticons were letting go. It wasn’t a Decepticon doing the shooting. He was talking to someone he called Mr. Chevron. I know a guy by that description who does underhanded deals. The mech I saw talking to Ricochet at that munitions place Quantum was being held at. He’s an Autobot! Blurr, oh Blurr, if only you knew.I can’t go back for lessons. For all I know, Blurr will be told to kill me. I can’t go. Who do I turn to now? Nightlash? Yes! Nightlash! But I don’t know how to find her. But maybe she will find me. Tarn! They have a right to know the truth! I already tried to tell them once and was ridiculed for it. But maybe someone will listen to me! If I can tell them, no, write to them what happened. Or get someone to speak for me! The citizens have a right to know that their protectors betrayed them! They have a right to remain neutral and out of this conflict! I must get the truth to them! I must! But the building was ruined… still, I need to do something! Wait. Why do I need to do anything? I’m not from Tarn. What do they matter to me? They won’t believe me, they can have the Autobots as their false protectors! I did what I could already. But… I don’t feel right. Maybe because I know I will be hunted down for knowing what I know. No, it’s not that. I dunno. I really can’t decide what to do. I don’t want to just flock to the Decepticons for protection. That would make me as good as one of them. I wish Ravage had not found me under the desk. I wish I would have believed I was too alone to say anything. I wish I would have just kept my mouth shut. I should know better. Who would believe someone as lowly and stupid as me? Why should anyone believe a word I say? It’s no wonder Blurr and I fight so much. I’m trapped again. And I feel like right now I have no friends I can turn to without endangering them. I miss Backdrop. He was already so deep in danger it didn’t matter if I shared a little more with him. And he understood that I’m not paranoid. I miss him. I got no one to confide in. Not really. What should I do? I’m scared.

--ENTRY 53--

Why Blurr, why? Why don’t you get it? He just doesn’t understand I don’t care about saving my life if it costs too much to save. I do my best to survive, and I do some not so good things. I’ve lied to save my aft many times. But they were small things that only affect me and a few other people. I can’t tell a lie that might mislead a whole city! Why don’t he get that? He says he respects me, and lists all the ways he does. How is putting himself in danger for my sake respect? I know he cares about me. Sure. But I don’t think he knows what respect really means. He belittles me all the time but doesn’t realise it. That’s fair I guess, since I don’t say the nicest things to him about his decisions. I’m still in Kaon. Blurr thinks that if I take back what I said on the broadband Prowl might let me live. I don’t believe Prowl will. Prowl is the chevron guy. I know all I need to know now. Heck, Blurr even supports killing the hostage, saying it prevented further killing. Maybe. But he can’t know that. He can’t see the future. And it doesn’t make it right. Sacrifice gotta be made by the person whose life is laid down, not by others. I still can’t believe Blurr would be reckless enough to come into Kaon. He risked too much on my part. I know he thinks it’s noble, but it was selfish. He’d doesn’t want me to die, which is well and all. I don’t want to die either. But it isn’t nobility really, or believing every spark is sacred like he said. If that was true, he wouldn’t kill folk so easily. Every spark is sacred unless you’re a Decepticon. But we are all Cybertronians! Although, Blurr probably could be mistaken for a Velocitronian. But they’re just colonies, really. I wonder why the Decepticons don’t just go and form their own colony anyway? If they don’t want to be oppressed, then leaving seems reasonable now that there’s no clampdown. But I guess no one likes to look like a coward. Or they feel the need to free us unfortunate citizens who will be under the Autobot’s tyrannic rule. I don’t think they are tyrants. Not quite. But they are close. Like I said to Blurr, I won’t trust the Autobots as long as Prowl is calling shots. But I don’t hate them. I wish I had someone to talk to about this, but if I admit about Blurr to any Decepticons, then I probably would end up dead. Or captured. Or they’d try to get me to tell them stuff that ain’t their business or turn me into a spy or something. I won’t, lie though. If someone saw me talking to him and ask me about it, I’ll tell the truth. As much truth as I feel necessary, anyway. I am just so tired and hurt by everything.

--ENTRY 54--

I returned to Tarn. I am thinking maybe to get some stuff out of the way before I make my decision to go to the Autobots. I don’t know how but I want to tell someone my story, someone connected in Tarn. I want to talk to administration or police or something. They have a right to know the details. They can believe me or not. That’s up to them. But I need them knowing what’s happening right in their city and where they really stand in the fight between Autobots and Decepticons. Anyway, while at Tarn I saw Decepticons. I was surprised they’d return after all they did, but no one was firing on them or arresting them. I would have if I was local law. But they was helping. The Decepticons, I mean. Cleaning, saving folk what got trapped under rubble and the likes. So I guess they were letting them help, but I bet they were keeping a close watch. They being Tarn. I decided since I was there I might as well help. I found someone trapped under rubble, but other than finding folk I’m not much use. So I went to get help and found a mech fixing stuff. He helped, but didn’t seem overly concerned about the hurt folk. Didn’t say much. But that nice seeker femme was there. The one that saved me from falling that one time. Well, we helped pull him out, and now I’m watching the mech while she gets help. The fixer fella, his name started with a B but I forgot it already, left as soon as he got the injured survivor out. Since there’s not much I can do I decided to sit and write my thoughts. I just wish I knew what my thoughts were. I didn’t think this through before coming to Tarn. I was just taken with the idea that something maybe something can be done about this whole mess. The more I think about it, the more pointless it seems. I’m wondering how I’m still alive, to be honest.

--ENTRY 55--

No one will listen to me. I’m getting tired of these Tarn folk. They all treat me like some kind of crazy doom sayer! Well I guess I kind of am. I get a bit, well, exasperated and maybe a bit hysteric the more I get ignored or made fun of, and I may have told them that their doom is coming. Yes. I think I used the word doom. Well, I guess that’s my fault. I saw the jerk today. Quantum. I thought he was going to give me a hard time. So I sort of spazzed at him. That was a bit unnecessary. He’s one of those “I’m a jerk and do horrible things but it’s nothing personal” types. Then there was this other seeker, who believes so much that the Decepticons are doing the right thing. Not just doing the less bad, but the right thing. Quantum, of course, admitted without any apology that Decepticons are awful, but he doesn’t care. It was interesting seeing two people on the same side see two totally different views. I am sure Autobots don’t have quite that variety of views on their cause. Well. Maybe they do. Blurr is aware that folk will be killed for the greater good, and that I am on the hitlist for NOT lying. How is that NOT corrupt? But, oh, Prowl is trusted by their leader, so he must be doing what’s right. If their leader knew… but there is no way I could get to him. I wonder how some of these people came to be Decepticons? Some of them just seem so… I don’t know. It’s odd they would throw their lot in with terrorists. And I say that because they have become terrorists since I’d left and come back. They took things too far. Too far.

--ENTRY 56--

Hot Rod, NOOO! Why did I talk so much! The WORST person to have told all that to is Hot Rod. I’m dumb dumb dumb! Now Blurr is going to get all betrayed, because Hot Rod won’t keep his mouth shut, but it’s not entirely his fault because I couldn’t keep MY mouth shut! Why couldn’t I keep my mouth shut? Probably those drinks, but they were light! I only had two! I told Hot Rod about Prowl, about Blurr, about the possible hit on me. Hey. Nothing has happened yet. Maybe Blurr talked Prowl down? Maybe Prowl wasn’t behind it after all and I was being unjust in assuming he’s the Mr. Chevron the sniper spoke to? Maybe I got this all wrong. I’d be willing to admit it if I managed to find the truth and it wasn’t what I thought. But I don’t think I’ll ever know the truth. I don’t have the means to find out. Know what is awesome, though? Decepticons and Autobots having a drink together. It was kind of, like, unreal. I was trying to convince people to leave Tarn, and out of nowhere, Hot Rod shows up. He’s not that wise, but, well, somehow he didn’t get shot. And then there was Windcry and, um…. A friend of Thundercracker’s. I thought a fight would happen for sure, but it didn’t. Next things I know, well, we’re going to a bar. I almost got run down by a bad driver, but, well, I got lifted out of the way. That happens to me a lot. Why am I constantly being saved by seekers? I thought they all were supposed to think badly of us grounders. Of course, he did remark how incompetent I was, but I took it in stride. I think. I don’t remember really. Hot Rod hates Prowl. Hot Rod spoke of someone who could lead the Autobots justly. I don’t know if this person is just a dream of his, or someone he has met and believes in. I wonder about that. How do you get people to follow you? I’m not good at it. I can get folk to save my aft time and time again, but then they in turn try to control me and make me follow them so that I stop getting into trouble. I would follow, except, I don’t know, I just get the feeling that me being entirely one person’s responsibility would wear them down. The trouble won’t stop happening. I don’t go looking for it, it just happens. Okay, lately I’ve been inviting trouble. But that’s because I’m waiting for someone to make a move to silence me. I am going to be as loud as possible until then. Or until I get tired of it. I don’t know.

--ENTRY 57--

I am going to do it. I am going to MAKE them listen. How? Good question. I can’t make anyone do anything. So I guess not. I guess I’m not going to do it. But I got to do something. Something. Time is running out. I will try to speak as well as possible. Wait. Maybe I should try and contact Blast Off. Maybe he can help me. He speaks well, when he speaks at all. That’s it. I need more classes. I won’t have time to impact Tarn, maybe I should go to other cities and try to prepare them. Tarn is as good as lost. This is war, both sides will consume Cybertron. Maybe I should start with Rodion since I work out of there. The people know me better. They may listen. Maybe.

--ENTRY 58--

FINALLY! We are reunited. It really helps me to think and all that when I can write in my diary. I’m glad Blurr isn’t hovering. When I was in jail, they wouldn’t let me have my diary to write in. Although it was a cheap pad that had no connectivity, they considered it a security risk. And yet somehow one of the inmates managed to sneak in a micro-amplifier to boost radio signals pass their dampener. Jail? Yeah. About that. I was trying to convince people n Tarn to evacuate. I was giving it one last shot before packing up and heading for Rodion. I certainly didn’t want to be around when the Autobots came to kick out the Decepticons. I guess there were enough complaints that the police had to do something, so I got hauled into lock up for a few cycles. They said someone could post bail, but they wouldn’t let me contact anyone to let them know where I was. So when I learned one of the other folks in the cell with me had smuggled in a radio amp, I tried to use it to contact someone. But they found me out, so I had time added and bail was increased. I don’t know if they are allowed to do that or not, but I wasn’t going to argue. I knew what I did was wrong, so it was my bad. I owned it. Well, I’m out of there now! Out out out! Sweet freedom! I think I’m free. Blurr said I’d have free reign, but I will have to leave to see if he is telling the truth. And I plan on leaving and heading for Rodion. I have to get in contact about a job that got left unfinished because of the whole Tarn incident and make amends. I also probably lost my job with the energex supplier. I need also to get a courier to Sounwave to let him know about, um, oh what was his name… Thrust I think? Yeah. He’s being held in the Tarn jail. See, I guess the fight had begun while I was in there, and he fell through the roof right into the cell. I mean. What are the chances? Yeah. Weird. So they said he had to stay put until the fighting stopped. But then he tried to bust out, so they kept him longer than that. I don’t know what they can hold him on. But I guess Decepticons are collectively criminals seeing as they DID attack an administrative building. I think they killed the Governor. So… yeah. I don’t know. My time in the jail wasn’t so bad. I mean, while I was waiting it was horrible. But now that I’m out, I know I’ve been through worse and will go through worse. It was just all that empty time. There was one mech in with me who barely said anything, unless it was a snide remark. I get restless if I don’t have anyone to talk to, or a diary to write in. It began to remind me of those long trips with the squishies. All of them were in stasis due to their short life spans, and I was the only one awake to monitor them and the ship. It was on auto pilot, but never know when you’ll run into a comet or stray asteroids or pirates or something. So it was my job to wake them up if there was an emergency. Otherwise, I kept the place in order with a few maintenance jobs. I couldn’t do repairs or anything, but I could keep things from needing them. Running routine diagnostics and the like…. It was very lonely. I only then learned that I was not cut out for such long trips without someone to talk to. If not for my diary I would have gone mad. But I maxed that one out and archived it. I’ll probably max out the storage on this cheap pad soon too and need to buy a new one, or archive and compress the entries to make room for new ones. Blurr and I had a long talk while he was transporting me out of jail to the Decagon. Truth is, I was worried about being taken there. I was expecting to be hauled off to an Autobot prison or something upon getting there. But I wasn’t. Blurr and I… we just don’t seem to understand each other very well. We are both kind of stubborn and won’t consider the other’s point of view. It seemed almost easier to get along with him when he was a bit more broken. He’s still broken. He just doesn’t want to admit it, I don’t think. I finally just gave in and told him I might be wrong. What was the point in arguing further about the Autobots? It’s clear he’s sold on them, and it’s pointless to try and convince a believer to doubt the thing they put their faith in. And it’s true. I might be seeing things wrong. I didn’t see the fall of the Senate. I just came back with fear of the government still strongly impressed upon me, and have been running on suspicion since. I blame Hot Rod for some of that paranoia. Maybe I should find him? Or not. That might be awkward. Blurr says I should plead my case with Arcee. She seems alright, so maybe I will.

--ENTRY 59--

Primus Primus Primus I’m in heaps of slag! What have I done? I should NEVER have spoken with Hot Rod about my fear of being assassinated or Prowl or Blurr. Hot Rod of all people don’t keep his mouth shut. So. After doing some errands in Rodion, checking in on some potential employers, letting folk know I’m okay, sending out a courier, that sort of thing, I went to good old Macadam’s. But it wasn’t peaceful AT ALL! I mean. Oh guess what? Thundercracker’s back! He was in the bar, but that’s not what made it all messy. Hot Rod was there too. And then Blurr showed up. Man Blurr and Hot Rod can really dig into each other brutally! Blurr did NOT have to bring up Nyon. That was, that was low and hurtful and awful and I slightly wished Hot Rod DID manage to punch him. But it’s Blurr. He dodged. I mean, I like Blurr well enough, but he IS a jerk. He needs a few more punches to that smug face of his to bring him down a notch. Maybe I should sucker punch him some time just to see what he’d do. But it’s not worth jeopardizing our already frail relationship. I sometimes wonder why I try with Blurr. It seems a hopeless cause. But if I give up on him, well, I’ll probably start giving up on a whole lot more. Well. Thundercracker gets back and the first thing he learns about me is the heap of trouble I’m in. All three of them were arguing over how to best protect me. I couldn’t believe it. It’s a small scale example of this whole stupid war. Everyone wants the same things, a fair and just government, equal rights, and some civil freedoms. Yet they kill each other because they can’t trust the other to deliver it. And why can’t they trust each other? Because both sides have employed deceitful and brutal tactics. They say it’s about winning no matter what. No matter what? What if what you do to win the war causes you to lose the very thing you began to fight for? What future could we possibly have if all the hot spots have stopped and we are needlessly killing each other? If either side truly wants to protect the future, then they need to show the ultimate kind of bravery: admitting that they are wrong. Hey, that’s pretty slick. Ultimate bravery, admitting to being wrong. I should write that down. Oh wait, I just did. Well, I’ll have to work that into a conversation somewhere.

--ENTRY 60--

Well that went better than I expected. Even WITH Prowl lurking about. Okay. He wasn’t lurking. He was just being all normal. Like any other mech. Still. He makes me uncomfortable. I’m surprised I had the struts to walk right up to him and talk to him like nothing was wrong. Like I wasn’t afraid he would send someone to gank me. But it was in the atrium, and Arcee was right there, and there were tour groups and well it was just all very public. So he had to use his public face. The safest I am from Prowl is right beside him in a public place, I think. That way I can keep an optic on him. Anyway, I spoke with Arcee and explained the situation. I am trying to score some credit with the Autobots. I don’t want to end up on a wanted list or a hit list or anything. She says Blurr probably jumped to conclusions and I was likely not in any danger from the Autobots. I believe her. Well I believe that she believes it. She’s nice and level. I think she can go far as an officer. She has an office now. She got to use it for the first time when I went to see her. How nice it must be to have your own office. I can only imagine. I doubt even if I joined the Autobots I’d ever work my way up to getting my own office. Maybe. Maybe my own bunk or only one roommate. The caste system may no longer be officially enforced, but let’s face it, folk what grew up with it will still think that way. I will be lowly and never amount to much. Cannon fodder. That’s all I’d be, regardless of what Blurr may try to say otherwise. After all, he can’t speak for anyone but himself. He was MADE to be special, even if that came with a lot of baggage and abuse. He doesn’t know what being stepped all over is like. I mean, he’s lived his life stepping on people like me, even if he denies it. Even Arcee wants to punch Blurr sometimes. That made me feel a bit better about myself. I usually don’t want to punch my friends.